“The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Chinese Proverb
Self-care is a mindset and way of living. It’s more than going to a yoga class or spa; it’s about building healthy habits that you can incorporate into your daily life to enhance your mental health, focus, and motivation. In this blog, I start off by debunking a couple of common myths about self-care. From there, I’ll explain the importance of having clarity, persistence, consistency, and suggest a person-centered and strength-based approach to constructing healthy self-care routines. Then, I share my own daily self-care habits and best practices that I’ve been using for years to improve my mental health, focus, and motivation. Last, I want to share some of my work from home experiences and tips.
According to the Cleveland Clinic and National Science Foundation, each person has about 60,000 thoughts per day; 95% of these thoughts are the same as the day before and 80% are negative and fear-based.[i]
A majority of this stress comes from within ourselves and the negative thoughts that we have constantly. Mental stress often trickles down to our bodies causing headaches, chest, neck and shoulders pains, and stomach upset. Emotionally, stress leads to anxiety, irritability, sadness or depression, and a lack of motivation or focus.[ii] So, combining mental, physical, and emotional stresses, you are constantly experiencing pain all over your body.
The conventional treatments are often to default back to the same old bad habits and routines, such as using work as a form of denial and continuing to stress out about work and life, being glued to your phone, using substances, eating too much, being a couch potato, dwelling on the negative, and fear-based thinking and beliefs. Maybe, once in a while, you might engage in one-time experiences of going on a hike, kayaking, hitting the gym that you signed up for 6 months ago, or eating a plate of salad. And, then you expect that these once-in-a-blue-moon healthy acts will erase the pain completely.
The self-care that I am advocating is to break away from this cycle and instead create a long-lasting change that can improve the quality of your life and transform your livelihood.
But before we can really talk about self-care, we need to debunk and unlearn the myths and misconceptions behind self-care.
Myth: Self-care is selfish, self-serving, and indulgent.
I used to feel extremely guilty about self-care activities like treating myself to a nice dinner after achieving a milestone, sleeping more than 8 hours, taking naps, or taking breaks during work. I felt guilty because I didn’t believe that I deserved these breaks and enjoyments. Also, I believed these healthy activities were for lazy and weak people. What I realized is that when I made time to take care of my body, emotions, and mind, I would have more energy to truly engage with people. On top of that, my productivity, focus, and motivation would have actually tripled.
Myth: You have to spend money to have self-care, such as buying expensive lavender essential oil, going to a spa, and going to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica.
I used to feel very intimidated by the idea of self-care because I couldn’t afford luxurious treatments. The reality is that many productive self-care tools are free or affordable, like exercising at your neighborhood park or in your backyard (if you have one), taking short naps at home, cooking at home, etc. It’s the little daily things that can have the most impact on your life.
Also, I’ve learned to take care of myself within my control and I don’t wish for something that’s beyond. One of my coaching clients would say, “I wish I had a pool in my place so I could go swimming every day.” I told her that even if she had a pool at her place, most likely she wouldn’t go swimming at all because she doesn’t have the habits and discipline to swim in the first place. When I used to live in Hawaii, my apartment was about an 8 minute walk to the beach. I loved going to the beach and told myself that I would go at least five times a week. Throughout that year, I found I had only gone to the beach four times.
Myth: Self-care is whatever makes you feel better.
Self-care is about doing things that you enjoy and at the same time contribute to your overall physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. You do live only once and you should enjoy your life. But, do you really want to ENJOY your life, feel ALIVE, and live to the FULLEST or do you just want to get by engaging in short-term gratification activities, doing the same old shit and feeling average? The choice is yours.
Myth: You need Self-care because something is wrong with you.
No one is perfect and worry-free. There will always be some sort of challenge in your life, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just means life. Self-care is to safeguard yourself from being bombarded with negative thoughts and healing yourself from the thinking that tells you there is something wrong with you.
Myth: Self-care is all or nothing.
A lot of people have this mentality, “I don’t have time for self-care because I need two hours per day for it, or a whole week off, to take care of myself. Since I don’t have the luxury of time, I have to wait until I have the time. Meanwhile, I am not going to do anything at all.” The reality is that all you need is about 30 minutes per day for self-care to de-stress. It is about how you allocate and prioritize your time in order to care for the most important things in the world, your body and mind.
Mind over Body
The most valuable asset that we can have control of is our mind. Sometimes, we like our bodies and our minds are separate entities. The reality is that our brain is in full control of everything that’s happening in our body from the tickling feeling in your toes to the angry agitating reaction you have toward broccoli.[iii]
The key to having an effective, meaningful, and powerful self-care routine in your life is by tapping into the power of the mind. This power comes from possessing a robust purpose of WHY. Why you want to take care of yourself. The why has to come from within you and not from external and societal pressures and expectations. If you have a strong and clear purpose, you can tap into the unlimited potential within you.
The reason I am so invested in my self-care routine is to sustain my energy level throughout the day and to help me to stay focused and motivated, and live to the fullest. By taking care of myself, I am able to maintain my mental health and keep my depression at bay. I hate moving through my day feeling sluggish and unfocused without purpose. I notice that prolonged daily sluggish feeling is the precursor to my depression.
So you want to start off your self-care habit in the right direction. It’s like you are embarking on a road trip from LA to New York. And if you hop on the wrong interstate freeway that goes north instead of east and keep driving north, most likely you will end up in Seattle. Of course, you can always correct your course.
A Person-Centered Care and Strength-Based Approach
Two invaluable life-changing principles that I have learned from the mental health consumer movement are person-centered care and a strength-based approach. Person-centered care focuses on individual capacities, preferences, and goals.[iv] A strength-based approach focuses on the individual’s internal strengths and resourcefulness and less on weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings. This approach sets up a positive mindset that helps the individual to build on their best qualities, find strengths, improve resilience, and change their worldview to one that is more positive.[v]
Ultimately, do what you enjoy the most, do what you are good at and within your capacity. If you love jogging, but hate cycling, then jog more and DON’T go on cycling. If you love Greek salad and hate broccoli, then eat more Greek salad and don’t worry about broccoli. Remove the “I have to” and “I should” mentality from your vocabulary and replace it with “I want to.”
Persistence and Consistency
Start off with one activity that you can easily and immediately incorporate into your daily life. The keys are persistence and consistency. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a long list of self-care items at the beginning. Self-care is neither a job nor a list of tasks that you should cross out. It’s a lifestyle that you are building. So, the goal is to focus on one single action at a time until the activity becomes a habit that you naturally engage in as part of your life without putting much thought into it. Remember that it takes about 8 to 9 weeks for a new behavior to become automatic.[vi]
For example, I live on the 7th floor of my building. My building has a gym in the basement. During the winter, I would take the elevator to go down to the basement gym to use the stair-treadmill and take the elevator back up to my place. After a while, I realized how silly it was and told myself that I wanted to take the stairs. However, I had a mental stigma about taking the stairs and old habits die hard. So, instead of forcing myself to take the stairs right away, I reflected on why I wanted to take them. The reasons were simple. First, it’s probably better for the environment. Second, if I can take the stairs every day, then I can spend less time in the gym and more time with my puppy. Third, I was taking the elevator at least four times per day because of my puppy, so taking the stairs could help the puppy to burn off more energy. From there, I told myself that I would start off with taking the stairs just once a day for a week, and walking the stairs would be my sole focus on self-care and improving myself.
A week passed, I felt less weird about taking the stairs, but the puppy was a bit confused. The mental and physical resistances were in my head almost every day. So, the following week, I set out to take the stairs at least two times per day. I stuck to twice a day for two weeks, because I didn’t want to overkill it. Remember, the keys are consistency and persistence. Sometimes, at the moment, we want to push ourselves more, but we end up wearing ourselves out and failing to continue the day after.
After two weeks of twice a day taking the stairs, I increased it to three times a week for another two weeks. After that, I went all-in on taking the stairs every time and every day. During this whole process, my mental and physical resistances were bombarding my mind with the temptation of the elevator. There were many times I didn’t want to take the stairs. Fortunately, I allowed my body and mind to ease into taking the stairs, slowly building up a routine. Equipped with solid reasons on why I wanted to take the stairs, I was able to brush aside all the resistance and continued to take the stairs. It took me about 7 weeks to build up the habit of taking the stairs on a daily basis.
Fast forward seven years later to the present day, no matter how tired I am or how bad my day is, unless I am carrying heavy groceries, I automatically take the stairs without any hesitation or resistance.
Once you have learned and experienced developing a new healthy habit, it is going to be easier to build the next new one. And since you’ve become more aware of your inner mental and emotional workings and resistance, you can replicate and modify the pattern. The more you do it, the easier it will be each time you embark on a new healthy habit.
Self-Care Activities
Below are some of the powerful self-care activities and habits that I’ve incorporated into my life to continually improve my physical, emotional, and mental health and to increase my focus, motivation, and productivity.
Morning Routine – The first hour of waking up is crucial to set the tone for the day. I’d noticed that world-class performers like Steven Jobs had some form of morning routine to boost their day. My morning routine consists of making my breakfast smoothie for 5 mins, reading for 15 mins, stretching for 10 mins, and meditating for 15 mins.
Meditation – On top of the morning routine meditation, I do short reflective meditations throughout the day. I use these short meditations to help me to refocus and ground myself. They look like this: me sitting on the floor in the middle of my living room, closing my eyes, reminding myself to breath, reminding myself of my life vision and purpose, and visualizing what I need to do next. Normally, this takes about 5 minutes.
Once or twice a week, I meditate longer, like 30 to 60 minutes. If the weather is nice, I meditate at a park. (If you are interested in learning more about meditation, like Zen, Vipassana, or other forms to increase your focus, motivation, and productivity, please contact me.)
Light Stretching and Physical Movement – Similar to meditation, I do light stretching and physical movement throughout the day. I am talking about doing ten pushups and jumping jacks with some shoulder and leg stretching; these light activities take about three minutes. Engaging in these light exercises helps improve my blood circulation and reduces stress in my body and mind.
Outdoors – More and more studies are suggesting that Vitamin D is one of the powerful tools for building up the immune system and fighting COVID-19.[vii] However, approximately 70% of people living in the US are vitamin D insufficient and about 30% deficient.[viii]
So, a big part of my daily self-care routine is to spend at least an hour outside, even during the winter. My city-life outdoor activities consist of walking at least 1 mile per day, reading at a park, doing a more intense workout, and stretching at a park.
Reading – I spend minimally 30 minutes per day reading a book. I read a wide variety of books. On top of learning new knowledge, reading helps me to ground myself.
Power Naps – When I plan out my week and daily schedules, I always try to schedule a 20-minute power nap in the early afternoon, if time permits. According to Dr. Matthew Walker, the author of Why We Sleep, “even daytime naps as short as twenty minutes can offer a memory consolidation advantage, restore alertness, and enhance performance.” [ix]
Comedy – When I feel stressed or down, I often watch short clips of standup comedy or funny videos. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.[x] Sometimes, laugher is the best medicine.
Have a Day – We all have one of those days that you feel incapacitated and mentally checked out. All you want to do is be a couch potato, binge watch shows, and eat Doritos. If you are able, take the day off. It’s totally ok to have a day off. Your body and mind might have gone through a lot and need a day to process and relax. I remember when the pandemic started and I lost all my speaking gigs, I took a couple of days off to allow my body and mind to readjust and recover.
The total financial cost for my daily self-care routines is $0. The benefits to my physical, mental, and professional wellbeing are priceless.
Working from Home and Self-Care
With the COVID-19 pandemic, working from home or remotely is becoming the way of life for many people. For some, it’s their first time working from home for such a prolonged time. I’ve many years and a history of working from home. Below are some of the healthy routines that I’ve developed and incorporated as part of my self-care rituals to enhance my productivity, focus, and motivation.
Separation: If you haven’t done so, designate an area as your primary workspace and a secondary one. For me, the primary workspace is my standing desk and the secondary one is at my kitchen counter. Avoid working in your bedroom and on the couch that you use for entertainment. This separation is crucial for your mind to distinguish between work and non-work times and activities. Every morning, after my morning routine, I go directly to my primary workplace. I don’t sit on my couch and turn on my TV or other entertainment devices until I finish my work. Throughout the working day, I might switch to my secondary work space, which is the kitchen counter.
Breaks: On average, I work between 60 mins to 75 mins at a time. I call this “a session.” Most people’s attention span lasts between 45 mins to 75 mins, then your brain starts getting tired and distracted. There is no point in forcing yourself to push forward. In fact, most of the time, removing yourself from your screen and workstation is the best way to reset your brain and prevent building up stress.
Between each session, I take a 5 to 10 minute break. During the breaks, I do my short reflective meditation, stretch, and/or walk around my apartment. I avoid sitting on my couch, lying on my bed, and looking at my social media.
I also use these breaks to look out my windows at trees, the sky, and pedestrians. Looking far away helps to relax your eyes. Also, simply staring at trees and nature can reduce some stress.[xi]
Avoid Stagnation: Keep your body moving. This helps keep your mind, energy, and creativity flowing. This entails sticking to your small breaks. Also, I have a tall desk so I often stand while I work or when I am on Zoom meetings. Also, when I am on phone calls, I will pace around my apartment. Sometimes, when I have scheduled phone calls that are less intense and don’t require taking notes, I will go outside and take these phone calls while I am walking.
Webinar Overload: Nowadays, everything is either Zoom or video conference. To avoid information overload and cognitive stagnation, I try to stick to three Zoom meetings per day maximum, if possible. When I set up meetings, I always offer the option of talking on the phone. A lot of my contacts prefer to talk over the phone, too.
Neighbor Interaction – If you have a neighbor that you are close to, interact with that neighbor during your break or over lunch. I am emphasizing neighbors because neighbors are one step removed from your partner or roommate. This one-step separation can help to reinvigorate and excite you, and ultimately elevate your energy
Coffee Shop – Prior to COVID-19, I would go to a coffee shop to work about once a week. This is extremely helpful toward the end of the week when I need to shake things up or I’m stuck at writing. Coffee shops normally offer enough balance of distraction and quietness for me to concentrate and be productive. I will walk a mile to the coffee shop in my neighborhood and use that mile walk to reflect and contemplate on what I need to work on. Once I arrive at the coffee shop, I am mentally prepared and energized, and ready to write.
With COVID-19, I either go to the coffee shops that have big outside seating areas or find a nice shaded spot at my neighborhood park.
Stick to your Routines – Humans are creatures of habit. Our brain and body enjoy having routines. So, make a schedule for your daily essential activities like breakfast, lunch, dinner, workout, and self-care activities and stick to them. Let your habits help you out throughout the day so you don’t need to put extra energy and thought into planning, worrying, and thinking about when to eat and take breaks.
Vacay – if you have paid-time-off, TAKE IT. If you are self-employed like me, remember to schedule and take days off. At this stage of my career, my rule of thumb is to take a long weekend or five days off every three months and a long vacation every nine months.
Self-care is about finding your groove that fits your lifestyle. Everyone is different with unique circumstances, environment, and cultural background. So, invent your own self-care routines that help you to maximize your quality of life and avoid copying other people. Don’t wait for the right time or the best time, the key is to start doing it NOW and keep at it.
Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash
[i] Cleveland Clinics and National Science Foundation
[iv] https://www.samhsa.gov/section-223/care-coordination/person-family-centered
[v] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/strength-based-therapy
[vi] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/200910/stop-expecting-change-your-habit-in-21-days
[vii] https://www.foundmyfitness.com/episodes/vitamin-d-covid-19
[viii] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29644951/
[ix] “Why We Sleep.”
[xi] https://www.sciencealert.com/urban-tree-coverage-can-significantly-reduce-stress-study-finds
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