“Why Is This Always Happening to ME?”
“Why is this always happening to me?” is a question that often pops into my mind. When this question starts flashing in my head, it’s often during stressful situations accompanied by different negative emotions, such as frustration, anger, jealousy, and/or anxiety.
Here is an example. Recently I had the opportunity to visit the State of Oaxaca in Mexico. I had a transfer flight from Mexico City to Oaxaca. Like O’Hare International Airport, Mexico City International Airport is well-known for flight delays and disruptions. With this information in mind, I allocated two hours of cushion time between my transfer flights. Guess what? Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. The departing flight from Denver to Mexico City was delayed for about 45 minutes. The gate agent made me check in my carry-on bag. When the airplane flew into Mexico City airspace, the plane had to circle around for 30 minutes to wait for an opening for landing. The line at immigration and customs was unusually long for a weekday night. It took about 45 minutes for my checked bag to come out.
Standing in the baggage claim area, the question “Why is this always happening to me?” kept ringing nonstop in my head. On top of that, my frustration was fueled by “WTF, I planned everything right!” My anxiety skyrocketed. My upper body was tight. My body temperature was through the roof. My mind was racing with all of the negative thoughts. My friend was waiting for me in another terminal and I was so stressed out that I would miss my transfer and that it would ruin our trip.
In the past, I would be totally and easily consumed by this situation and succumb to my anger, anxiety, and victim mentality. I would start complaining, pounding, and pacing around, ultimately turning into a “Karen.”
With all of these external and inner shenanigans going on at that moment, I told myself, “I am going to try something different this time and really practice what I preach.”
Building upon the “chill the fuck out” mindset and mantra that I used when I traveled to Belize, I started off by mentally and physically forcing myself to take multiple deep breaths. When people are stressed, they naturally start taking shorter breaths which increases carbon dioxide in the body. Increased carbon dioxide in the body causes headaches, an inability to focus, feelings of confusion and paranoia, and maybe even panic attacks.[i] Thus, in stressful situations when your body is tightened up, it can be extremely helpful to intentionally inhale air deeply and exhale slowly. Personally, by practicing this breathing technique even for a minute or so, I noticed my body became relaxed, my head became clearer, and my emotions settled down a little bit.
After I had done my breathing exercise, I checked in with all of my emotions. I observed them. I tried to understand the root causes of these anxieties and negativity. The biggest one was the fear of ruining my trip by being stuck in the airport and wasting my precious time, as well as the potential additional financial cost. Once I was aware of these root causes, instead of suppressing them, I mentally and emotionally acknowledged them. Like a troubled child that needs attention and TLC, once I validated my emotions, they started simmering down.
The next step was transforming these root causes of my negative thinking by using self-affirmation. I started telling myself, “Hey, it could be worse. I could be stuck in an airport somewhere in Iowa. I love Mexico City. So, it’s not going to be that bad being stuck here for a night. Yes, I might have to spend extra money on a hotel. Yes, it’s going to suck financially, but it can be an investment to have an extracurricular adventure here in the city.” This new mindset became my new mantra. Instead of letting my stressed-out brain keep saying, “Why is this happening to me?” I replaced it with a newer and more positive inner dialogue.
Ultimately, what I was trying to do was free myself from the victim mentality. Yes, I was a victim of the flight delays. Yes, it was the airline/airport’s fault. Yes, it could be my fault, too, for only allocating two hours of cushion time. But I refused to dwell in this endless loop of negativity. I didn’t want to be the victim of my own victim mentality which always results in increased frustration, anger, and/or anxiety.
Reflecting back on all of the trips that have gone wrong, when I was trapped in the victim mindset, my toxic mentality often spilled into my vacation and the negative energy acted up later. In a way, it wasn’t the missed flight or long lines at the car rental that ruined my trip, it was my own mental health.
By the time I retrieved my checked bag, the transferring flight was scheduled to depart in 10 minutes; it would take me about 10 minutes on the shuttle ride to get to the other terminal. To my surprise and relief, my friend messaged me and told me that the transfer flight was delayed for about 30 minutes.
I am grateful that I had the mental and emotional tools available and the capability to work on myself at the baggage claim. By the time I met up with my friend on the transferring flight, I was able to let go of the victim mentality, move on, and start enjoying my vacation.
Oaxaca
Oaxaca is a beautiful state. It’s still considered a hidden gem in Mexico. We spent all of our time in the coastal region. The beaches and sunsets down there are phenomenal. I love their culture. The foods and cheese are amazing. Oaxaca is famous for Tlayudas (picture below), which make the American quesadilla look like child’s play. I highly recommend it.
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