August 29, 2020, marks the 30th anniversary of my first day in the U.S. I came to the U.S. as a young child who didn’t even know a single word of English. Reminiscing on the last thirty years, lots of fond and traumatic emotions and memories have merged and boiled inside me. Without spilling my guts out and going on an endless writing rampage, here are the five introspections that I’ve been reflecting on:
1. As part of my mental health growth and journey, I still have to constantly catch and check the negativity that is derived from my painful, shameful, and regretful past memories. The good news is that, thirty years later, I can proudly say that I am so much better at catching these negativities and transforming them into positivity and possibility, thus avoiding and keeping my depression at bay.
2. I used to be ashamed of my immigrant status. Now, I have fully embraced my immigrant identity. Even though I can celebrate my immigrant past with pride and feel like I am ready to be more outspoken about it, I am still struggling to find my voice and a place to do so.
3. Moving to the U.S. 30 years ago definitely was a decisive and significant moment in my life. It altered my whole life trajectory. Even 30 years later, I can’t stop wondering what my life would be like if I had not immigrated to the U.S.?!?! Of course, there is no way of knowing unless I have a time machine. Having this curiosity has often helped me to maintain different perspectives of my life and appreciate how far I have come.
4. I am still amazed at how fucked up my childhood was, especially between ages 9 to 19. I’ve spent the last ten years reconciling and healing from those traumatic years. And I know that I will probably need at least ten more years (or the rest of my life) to continue to heal myself, which is a reality that I have happily accepted it.
During the pandemic lockdown, I started recording my childhood stories and have put them on YouTube. These videos are just me talking and recollecting my past before I lose my memory and forget them. Check out these videos if you are interested to see how fucked up, interesting, and awesome my childhood was.
5. Overall, the last thirty years have been a rough ride, to say the least. I am extremely thankful for all the support and help that I’ve received. I attribute my current successes and accomplishments in my life, mental health, and career to the many awesome individuals that have believed in me, lifted me up when I was down, and who have given me various opportunities and resources to succeed.
Here’s to another 30 more years!
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