Motivation, Focus, Energy
Building on what I wrote in the previous blog about my anxiety and the question, “Is there a balance between the hustle culture and the enjoyment of life?” I came across this quotation from Motivational Lines, “Work-life balance is not about finding the perfect equilibrium; it’s about finding harmony within the chaos.” This quotation has inspired me to continue digging into the intersection of my obsession with work, success, the thrill of achievements, and my anxiety. Somewhere in the midst of this intersection, there are three other elements that need to be brought to light, which are motivation, focus, and energy.
For the longest time, I struggled with motivation. As a person that used to experience severe depression, summoning the inspiration and energy to do anything was extremely challenging. The things that kept me going were survival and fighting the immigration system. People had walked out of my life and I had no safety net to fall on. If there was any tragedy that ever happened to me financially, physically, emotionally, or psychologically, I was dead in the water. On top of that, I could get deported back to Taiwan, a country that I barely knew. Thus, I worked hard with long hours. At any given time, I had two or three side jobs just to meet my need and tried to build up some financial security. Even though I hated it and didn’t have any motivation to do these jobs, I had no choice but to force myself out of my bed every morning. Reflecting on this whole process and history, ultimately it was my anxiety that was pushing me forward as I continued to fight on. I guess in a way my anxiety was my biggest motivator and ally.
The absence of any positive and inspiring motivation resulted in a lack of focus. Whenever I tried to study, read, and write for school or work, I found myself having a really hard time concentrating. I thought I had ADHD (maybe I do). I probably wasted countless hours just staring at the screen and zoning out. Of course, social media didn’t help at all.
Looking back and diving into the unfocused state that I was in, I realize that the major culprit was my trauma. In reality, I wasn’t simply zoning out and daydreaming about the good old times. My brain and body were bombarded with a whole bunch of undesired and unwanted memories and emotions from my childhood. These feelings and thoughts were replayed uncontrollably again and again in my head. I would get so overwhelmed, afraid, and exhausted that I didn’t have any more mental energy left to focus on the tasks at hand. My brain was so scattered and my body felt very vulnerable. The only way I could get myself to focus was to use my anxiety and fear-driven mentality to force myself to concentrate and get the work done. The consequences of not getting my work done could result in living on the street or facing deportation.
All of these anxieties, fear, and trauma-induced emotions were extremely taxing to my mental and physical health. I was chronically fatigued. Fortunately, back then, I was younger so I could summon up more energy. That being said, at one moment I could feel all energetic, and five minutes later, I would feel worn out.
So, as you can tell, for almost two decades, my motivation, focus, and energy derived from trauma-induced and anxiety-driven sources. As part of my mental health healing and recovery process, I have been learning and developing ways to have more positive and healthy ways to motivate myself, have better mental focus, and have more balanced energy.
Here is what I have learned and been practicing.
When it comes to motivation, the clearer my purpose, the more motivation I have. The more clarity I have in every mindset and thinking process, action, and decision I make, the more sense of control I have. For the longest time, I was trying to fulfill and meet society’s and other people’s expectations. I was always chasing something that was not me. The moment I found my passion and purpose, the moment I stop caring what other people thought of me and trying to please everyone, the moment I started looking within and acting and pursuing my passion and purpose, that’s the moment I possessed all of the motivation. Of course, not having to deal with immigration is a huge help, as well.
When it comes to focusing, having the motivation by knowing my purpose and passion is a natural progression and extremely beneficial. To sustain the focus and motivation, I’ve developed healthy daily routines that consist of meditation, reading, exercises, naps, time management, and constrained time on social media and watching TV. These routines ground me. They are the healthy habits that align my mind, purpose, passion, emotions, and the tasks at hand. For example, in the past, after sitting down at my desk and trying to write a blog, it would take me at least 30 to 45 minutes to feel motivated and focused enough to even start writing. I would be scrolling through news sites, emails, social media, or whatever things that would distract me. Nowadays, it takes me only 5 minutes to get into the zone. And, I feel GREAT!
This feeling of greatness is the exact energy that I have been striving to obtain. When I see myself motivated/focused and producing the results that I’ve set up for, I get even more energized. It’s a positive cycle that constantly is empowering itself. In addition, physical health is crucial to sustaining energy levels. Nowadays, sleep trumps everything else. Nothing is more important to me than sleep, maybe except Lola dog 😊. Of course, healthy diet and body movements all are prerequisites to having good energy.
If you are interested in learning more about how to increase your motivation, focus, and energy level, please reach out to me. I will be more than happy to share other tools and tips that I have been using.
Mural by: Joe Pagac, Katherine Joyce, Arielle Alelunas, Brady Fellows (2021)
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