As a seasoned traveler, I’ve developed a sense of familiarity with multiple airports around the country like Denver International Airport, Santa Ana/Orange County, O’Hare, Newark, Atlanta, the National Airport in DC, Baltimore, and Southwest’s Love Field in Dallas.
With certain airports, I know which restaurants/bars that I enjoy most, which terminal sections are quieter with comfy seats, and which lavatories are less used and cleaner. At the same time, there are a couple of airports that I just simply despise flying through because these airports have constant flight delays or cancellations, lack of lavatory cleanness, and it is inconvenient moving around within the airport.
Out of all of the airports that I detest, there is one airport that stands out the most. I dislike it not because of the reasons have I listed above. But it is the port of entry in which I arrived to the United States for the first time. That airport is San Francisco International Airport (SFO).
I entered and landed in the continental United States through SFO in August 1990 with my mother at the age of nine years old. My mother dropped me off at a Buddhist monastery and boarding school in northern California. Three days later, my mother left and went back to Taiwan.
In 1991, my mother came to visit me at the boarding school for a week. I was granted permission to accompany her to SFO for her departure back to Taiwan. As a ten-year-old boy who had not seen his mother for over a year, and was only able to be with her for a week, I was devastated. I still remember crying my eyes out the whole way to the airport and weeping while walking with my mother to the departure gate. That night, I barely slept because I was sobbing in my bed.
What I didn’t know was that the goodbye to my mother at SFO marked the end of what I had known as family. Soon after, the sense and privilege of having a family were forced out of me. And since then, I don’t have a family and I have been by myself.
In April 2011, I had to fly through SFO for the first time in twenty years. I still remember the moment I walked into the airport. I started having a panic attack. I was short of breath. My limbs were weak and tickling. My chest hurt. I felt disoriented. I thought I was having a heart attack.
Even though it had been twenty years, the wound from my childhood trauma was still lingering. By 2011, SFO probably had been modified and renovated and the interior surroundings were different than in 1991. At the same time, there is something about our human senses and brain that can pick up and remember little and big things like the moisture in the atmosphere, the lighting within the building and from outside, the sound and noise, and the curvature of the building. All of these things set off and stirred up deep unwanted emotions and memories inside me.
My walk through the SFO terminal, the security checkpoint, and the concourses was filled with extreme sadness, fear, anxiety, and anger. The loose traumatic memories that I had blocked off for decades were creeping back into my conscious mind and my mind/body was fighting off these sorrowful feelings and remembrances. This internal battle caused a lot of pain and misery inside me for many years prior to the airport visit and after.
Fortunately, I had a great therapist at the time who I was about to talk to and process these traumatic memories and pain with. And ten years later, even though the wound is still there, it has healed tremendously.
Trauma from childhood is real and can influence and dictate adult behaviors. Since 2011, I have flown through SFO six times. Each time, I despise it. A couple of those trips were for vacation and I still felt uneasy and anxious. There were several times that I chose to fly through Oakland Airport instead of SFO, so I didn’t need to traumatize myself.
Here’s to reminiscing back to some of the fun airport experiences I’ve had:
- My favorite airport is Singapore Changi Airport.
- The most interesting and confusing airport is Amsterdam Airport.
- The most impressive airport I have traveled through is Shenzhen in China.
- The most laid back airports are Iquitos in Peru and Hilo in Hawaii.
- Somehow when I flew into Dublin airport, it reminded me of flying into Honolulu a lot.
- The best random conversations I have had with other travelers were at the National Airport in Washington DC and the Santa Ana/Orange County airport.
- The airport that I always enjoy having a drink is the Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport.
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