My Inspiration

For 25 years of my life, I suffered from chronic depression.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2017 an estimated 17.3 million adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode, about 7.1% of all U.S. adults living in this country.

And for the longest time, 27 years to be exact, I struggled and fought the immigration system. The majority of my energy, focus, and emotions were devoted to staying in this country, trying not to get deported, and to get my green card.  The whole time during this immigration pressure, I didn’t have the luxury to dream big, pursue my interests, and really discover my PURPOSE.  This is because I could be deported the very next day, so what was the point of making all these plans?  I was afraid of building up expectations and having goals that I wouldn’t able to achieve.  Immigration was my identity.

For the longest time, I thought that once I had my green card, all my problems would be solved, that I would be happy.  It’s like what a lot of people believe, that once they have a million dollars, a promotion, a beautiful partner, a fancy car, or big house, then everything will be fine and they will be satisfied and happy forever.  Finally, in the summer of 2017, I received my green card. And guess what, instead of feeling free, excited, and fulfilled, I was so lost, confused, and depressed.  Suddenly, I had nothing to fight for anymore, I didn’t have a purpose, and I didn’t know what to do with my life.  Don’t get me wrong, getting my green card was one of the best things that EVER happened to me, but it was not IT.

Around the time I received my green card, I was overseeing a small, multi-million dollar company that my friend owns.  I was making good money, I was the boss, I enjoyed good food and wine, I even got to fly to Asia in the business class.  It was such an amazing opportunity and I am extremely grateful for the experience.  However, even with all these good and nice materialistic experiences, I was miserable.  I was depressed, lost.  I was hurting inside.

So, finally, I told myself I’d had enough.  I needed to figure out what I REALLY wanted for my life before I ruined it forever.  So, I started on this Vision Quest.  I started reading everything I could get my hands on and listening to podcasts.  I noticed that I was spending 3 and a half hours per day watching TV/Netflix; I cut that back to 1 hour a day.  I was going out to eat and drink 4 or 5 times a week; I cut it down to 1 time per week.  I tripled the time I spent on my meditation, reading, walking, and working out.  I kept at it.  Don’t get me wrong, it was hard to cut all those “fun things” out of my life.  I had to because those things were only giving me short-term satisfaction and were not providing me with true happiness.

After months of soul-searching and while on the Vision Quest, I had this profound epiphany.  I still remember it like yesterday.  I was walking down 7th Ave. toward Chessmen Park in Denver, and the light bulb went on and it felt like the whole world inside me started aligning; I had found my PURPOSE.

The Epiphany was I wanted to be a fun, badass, world-class mental health speaker and trainer.  I didn’t care about hiring and firing people, disciplining and managing people.  In fact, I wanted to nurture people.  I wanted to help people like me that are suffering from depression, anxiety, and fear.  I wanted to prevent and end all suicide.  This was my purpose, my calling, and my passion.

I realized that on the surface level, a big part of the Epiphany and the drive behind my inspiration to work toward becoming a successful professional speaker was so I could be my own boss and enjoy the freedom of my own schedule and travel.  A level deeper, I knew that my calling was to help people like me that are suffering from depression, anxiety, and fear.  But, the real reason was that I need both the freedom and the purpose of assisting others.  I NEEDED THESE because this is the best way for me to battle and balance my own depression and to have a better quality of life.

The very next week, I went into the office and announced that I was going to fire myself.  I would find my replacement and fire myself, which I did 2 months later.

Now, I am pursuing my vision and dream of building my professional speaking career.  Don’t get me wrong, the process is challenging but very rewarding.  I am so much happier and fulfilled.  I feel light, joyful, and peaceful.  The lesson is that in order to have true happiness, we really need to invest in our inner and spiritual self, not the outside world.

If you are tired of being trapped in the same old cycle of lifestyle and ready for real change and transformation, I am here for you and I can show you the way.